Sunday, 27 September 2009


sit here with me in my empty space, retrace a path less trodden
a life time of fragmented memories rise to the surface
thoughts swirling in the mass of an incomplete existance
teetering on the edge of reason, subconscious malady running free

take the pieces of my puzzle, as i cant do this by myself
guide me through the torment and the pain
blinded by gibbering daemons, paroxyms of abhorrence
paths i should be treading veiled by chapters of history

trapped in a past unwanted, struggle and fall amongst the debri
mistakes never forgiven become an endless curse
heed my call and take this outstretched hand, drowning in the unknown
classified as a burden by egocentrism adds to the weight

there was a time you saw me whilst i was invinsible
drifting through life ethereal, passed by by oppurtunity and hope
left to fade to nothingness by all held dear, closeness burning upon touch
self imposed misanthropic choices blurring true self

peel back the darkness, and see the inner light....

Saturday, 26 September 2009

Guest blog

After reading my gardening blog, Taras Borzakov, a rather angry man from Mother Russia sent me a message, so i have decided to put it here, and edit it thru for your reading pleasure;

Dobry den, Kak vashi dela? (-edit- he means "good day, how are you?")
you crazy english dogs, you know nothing of gardening.
in mother russia, we have many chemical wars, and plants mutate many times.
to kill weed, you have to fight it. with bare hands. and knife. Bah. we no use for weedkiller, that is for wimpy man.
i once find weed so big, it ate my mother's goat. i strangled it into submission, punched in its freaky flant face an then it spit goat out.

i come to this country you call england, to show you how real man has garden. all i see is little mole man on tv, and red-haired woman with droopy breasts making water features. Pah. to make plant grow big, give plant uranium. it make big and strong. to get rid of unwanted plants, weeds, or those silly flowers, use Trinitrotoluene. they not ever come back. that is all pig-dogs.
ya ochen lyublyu tebya i prashu stat mayey zshenoy
(-edit- this means "I love you very much and ask you to be my wife")

keeping it up

The blog that is, nothing else....

Today i figure a good start point is (drum roll)
chronic fatigue syndrome, manic depressive tendancies, and lonelyness and possible major problems with my brain.... sound serious yeah?

We'll soon see about that.

Other than the utterly horrible parts about it all, it's awesome!! Hear me out.

People always say you should keep life moving, keep trying new things and everything, and so on.
Well for me it's easy. As I can never remember what day it is, I can never plan anything so it's all spontanious. And recently, i'm making an effort to try new things (which could be things i've done loads of times, but just keep forgetting about).
As part of my new things trend, i'm going to learn welsh, and russian, and no doubt forget english because of it. Should be good, as I think wales is great, and i'm gonna move there as soon as I can.

And there is even a good side to manic depression, if you look past the utterly miserable horible parts anyways. Im talking about the random high as a kite head in the clouds happy hyper moods, which make you full of a weird energy. It's brilliant, heh heh.

Tonight might be one of those full of energy mad moments....

Oh, and all this stuff wrong with my health and whatever usually leads to sleepness nights.... Which is never fun is it?

Hell yeah it is.
I go on loads of random chat sites, and talk to people i wouldn't otherwise have chance to, and talk about loads of things, art, music, films, hobbies, problems etc.
And american girls always seem to like me, just because im english. How good is that?!? Very XD
They seem to be a bit differant from english girls too.... They are a hell of alot more open about things....

Big brother would of been a much better programme if they really messed with the "inmates".
Like let a feral badger in the house in the middle of the night. Or covered all their possessions in honey whilst they were sleeping....
OR, let Brian blessed in, armed with a hand held catapult and lots of eggs....

Bye for now x

Friday, 25 September 2009

Strict orders (another attempt at making a regular blog)

After a stupidly long time of not blogging, and forgetting I even had one, ive been ordered (strictly, as your remember) to do it regulary by a close friend.

Not that i ever start off with a story or purpose in mind, I warn you.

I suppose, first off, I would like to thank said friend, for all support and help over the many years. I doubt id be around to type this otherwise.... (wow, that sounds melodramatic and fairly morbid)

Thanks x

Now, to blogging!!

I had my 23rd birthday on the 19th.... great time that was (sarcasm). I've never been much for my own birthdays, always makes me think i should be doing more with my life, and have some achievements to be proud of. Oh well ;)
Im having a bit of a podgy few months at the moment, should really do something about that, as I look like a human version of shrek, with a better taste in clothing.
But on the plus side im re-discovering what confidence is like, and its awesome. I never thought of how differantly people see you if you have a bit of this confidence stuff.

I want to buy a new nintendo wii (insert toilet humour here), so then I can become an utterly fantastic athlete, without ever leaving my house.... hell I could do it whilst sitting down, just flick your wrist, simples.
Would be great though if for that 2012 lark they just had it in a shed with a wii set up. Would be a hell of alot cheaper and more fun to watch.

Toodles for now