Thursday, 12 June 2008

How to be a good gardener.

just a few tips to those of you who aspire to be gardening wizards....

if it looks like a weed. it is. even if someone tells you otherwise.

if you dont like the look of something, its a weed.

growing stinging nettles is alot easier than orchids.

a green house is a very silly idea. too hot, and easily broken whilst playing football with small animals to pass the time.

ponds are brilliant. dig a hole, and wait for it to rain. see what turns up.

hedgehogs are the best type of animals to have around. encourage them to visit your garden. then, in the autumn, when your lawn is full of leaves, use them like bowling balls to collect them all up. saves time, and its fun.

snails arnt as bad as you may think they are. collect them all, then throw them at nosey neighbours and people you dont like.

to kill slugs, leave a bowl of beer in the garden. then get them drunk, and let them drive radio controlled cars. manic crashes are soon going to happen.

garden gnomes are the best idea ever. especially the ones pulling moonies, or that piss.

and, as a final note, you dont need a spade to dig big holes. just bury bones in shallow holes, then invite the neighbourhood dogs over.

Captain Moonshine x

A new start

well, a new day, and another new start.

figured i should start doing blogs again, and what a good place to do it.

i will no doubt copy some blogs over to here, because im lazy.

but, if anyone reads them, or if im in the mood to say whatever is in my mind, then you can expect many more.

Captain Moonshine